Denial
by WeasleySeeker
Summary: Marlene thought she knew everything about Regulus Black. But love makes you blind, and there are a lot of things about him that she'd rather not notice. How does she deal with it when she's forced to face up to the truth?


He's a Slytherin and she's a Gryffindor, and they're in love. That should be something to be treasured, something to rejoice over. But nobody's celebrating.

There's a war on; Slytherin and Gryffindor are more divided than ever. Both of them are considered traitors, outcasts. Marlene doesn't care about that, though. She's proud that she and Regulus can rise up against the hate and be together.

He gives her wings; when she's with him, she feels like she's soaring. Together, they can do anything, beat anyone. A Slytherin and a Gryffindor - who would have thought it? They're defying the odds to be together, so why stop there? Marlene thinks it's fate: they complement each other perfectly. Together, they're unstoppable.

But as they get older, the war seems to feel less like it's something for the adults, something they're not affected by, and more immediate, more real. The disrespect Marlene gets from her housemates heightens, and she starts to actually feel bothered by the continuous whispers that follow her constantly while she's with Regulus. It's just prejudice, unguarded prejudice. Somebody with the surname Black doesn't have to be a Death Eater - look at Sirius. Admittedly, Regulus is a Slytherin, and he does have that arrogant confidence to him - a tell-tale characteristic - but he also has that good, sweet-natured side that not many people but Marlene get to see. So anger builds up and simmers inside her with every look, every whisper and every jibe.

One day, she cracks.

"Hey, McKinnon, how's your _Death Eater_ boyfriend?" James Potter, that awful seventh year, calls across the breakfast table as Marlene takes her place.

Everything she's been holding back finally starts to flood out. "Regulus is not a Death Eater," she snaps, seething. "Just because he's sitting at that table, that doesn't make him evil."

James snorts. "If he's not a Death Eater now, he soon will be. Right, Padfoot?" he says to Sirius, who is sitting two places across from him.

Sirius nods, a bitter expression on his face. "He's obsessed. He'll join up as soon as he's out of school - unless he's too much of a coward, that is."

Marlene is outraged. "I don't have to listen to you two insulting my boyfriend," she says, snatching up her plate and standing up to move to another seat. "It's none of your business who I go out with. You hardly even know me."

"Leave her alone, guys," Remus says warily. He's always seemed like the nice one of the group. "It's nothing to do with us."

"Maybe you're right," James shrugs indifferently. "Just don't say we didn't warn you," he says, turning back to Marlene. "That boy is trouble."

Sirius agrees. "I'd say get out while you still can," he advises with a dark expression.

"Whatever," Marlene says, and moves over to the other end of the table and broods. _They say love makes you blind..._ is she just in denial of the truth? Is she seeing past what's obvious to everyone else. _No_, she chastises herself quickly. _Don't think like that. He loves you. He deserves your trust._

* * *

They're in a deserted classroom after curfew, one of the only times they can just be together in peace. But Marlene is having difficulty finding peace like she normally can - the words of the older boys from earlier keep circling around her head. _That boy is trouble... if he's not a Death Eater now, he soon will be... get out while you still can..._

She rests her head on his shoulder and looks up at him. "Reg?"

"Hm?"

He doesn't sound like he's listening. She sighs. "Nothing."

"It must have been something," he says, looking curious.

"Well," Marlene begins hesitantly, "I was just... thinking about the future." Regulus doesn't respond. "Don't you... don't you ever think about what we'll be doing in a few years' time?"

"No," he tells her harshly, without looking at her. "Why think about the future when we've got now?"

_Why is he being like this?_ "I don't know," Marlene tells him, "it just seems like the war and everything... it seems much closer, now. I don't know why."

"Well we're in Hogwarts, now. We're safe," he says evasively, fiddling with the hem of his robes.

Marlene sighs again. "But it won't be like this forever. We'll be forced to choose sides, and I don't want to do that, Regulus," she says desperately. "Please... promise me. Promise me that you won't let this war rip us apart."

He doesn't respond for a moment, and Marlene almost thinks he's going to break up with her on the spot. She feels the tears threatening to fall and is almost tempted to run straight out of the room, until he speaks.

"I... I promise, Marlene."

But he didn't look her in the eye.

* * *

She makes it back to the common room. There are still a couple of people around, but luckily none of the girls from her year. She wants to go upstairs and cry herself to sleep, but she doesn't want the questions from her dormmates. She stays where she is.

Unfortunately, some of the people remaining in the common room are the last people she wants to see.

James and Sirius walk up to her, and it doesn't escape Marlene's notice that James keeps glancing nervously behind him at a stern-looking Lily Evans.

"McKinnon... Marlene," James begins awkwardly when he reaches them. "We just wanted to apologise for what we said earlier," he tells her, and Sirius nods. "You're not upset, are you?"

Marlene ignores his question - although it's probably quite clear that she _is_ upset, she doesn't want to admit it out loud. Instead, she addresses Sirius: "What makes you think he'll join You-Know-Who?" she asks directly.

Sirius laughs darkly, and it doesn't suit him. "You should see his bedroom wall - it's plastered in newspaper cuttings, all about the Death Eaters. Anything he can get his hands on. He's obsessed, I told you. He idolises them."

"I don't believe you," Marlene says hesitantly. It's been coming on for a while, of course - what happened that morning was just the trigger, and now she's having all sorts of doubts.

Sirius shrugs. "Why do you think he's never invited you home?" he asks, and Marlene doesn't have an answer. "He doesn't want you to see the kind of place our house - well, not mine now I've run away - really is. It's as Dark as Wizarding homes get. Oh, and it's also because he hasn't told our parents about you," Sirius adds casually.

"I... you're lying," Marlene accuses him automatically. "I don't see why I should believe you." But then she doesn't see why she shouldn't believe him either. What reason does he have to lie?

"Hey," James protests, suddenly protective of his friend. "He hates Regulus, but that doesn't mean he'd try and mess things up for you, just out of spite."

"Leave it," Sirius mutters. "Don't believe me if you don't want to," he says to Marlene, "but it's the truth. I could show you right now if you want. We could go over there and look."

Marlene laughs. "Don't be stupid. You can't Apparate from inside Hogwarts. And you can't use the Floo Network without the teachers noticing."

"Ah, but there are ways out of Hogwarts that even the teachers don't know about," James tells her, grinning.

She doesn't doubt their honesty about that; if there were any students who knew about secret passageways out of school, it would be those two. For one insane moment, Marlene considers saying yes and going with Sirius. It would be so comforting just to know the truth, have it displayed clearly before her eyes. But then she remembers - this is _Regulus_ they're talking about.

"No," she says finally. "I love Regulus, and I trust him."

But does she?

* * *

The next Saturday is the Gryffindor-Slytherin Quidditch final and the atmosphere is electric. It's without doubt the most exciting game of the Quidditch season: not only are they the two houses with the most animosity between them, but this year the teams are also pretty evenly matched. There's no telling who will take away the trophy.

The crowd is going wild; even the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws are joining in the deafening noise. Marlene seems to be the only one who's indifferent to the match's outcome - of course she has some degree of loyalty to her own house, but the fact that she's dating the other team's Seeker kind of cancels that out. _That's me_, she thinks bitterly - _Marlene McKinnon, the neutral one, the one who stays sitting on the fence because she doesn't have the guts to choose a side_.

The lack of support from the other houses doesn't deter Slytherin, however, and they are the ones to triumphantly lift the trophy, though their victory was narrow. Marlene looks on proudly as Regulus and the rest of the Slytherin team do their lap of honour around the pitch.

She manages to catch him quickly afterwards. "Congratulations," she tells him, beaming.

"Thanks," he says breathlessly, giving her a quick peck on the lips, but he keeps glancing behind them at where his teammates have gone. They stand there looking at each other for a while, unsure what to say. Things have been off between them since their conversation about the future from the other night. "I'd probably better catch them up," Regulus says awkwardly, gesturing towards his team.

"Wait," Marlene tells him as he turns away. "Can I see you tonight?" she asks hopefully. She really wants things to go back to normal so she can quiet all these doubts she's been having.

"I don't think so," he says, and her heart sinks. "They're planning a massive party. I don't think I'll be able to get away."

"Oh." There's always some excuse. "I'll come with you," Marlene suggests. "I'm not doing anything tonight."

Regulus looks at her like she's from another planet. "No offence, but I don't think you'd exactly be welcome at a _Slytherin_ victory party," he says, laughing.

"Oh. I see how it is," Marlene says harshly. "If it's not acceptable to your precious little friends that I love you and I want to celebrate with you, then fine. _Fine_," she repeats, and she turns her back, storming back to the castle. She can hear him shouting after her, surprised and confused, but she doesn't care.

She passes all the dejected faces in the common room, seeking out only one. And there he is - still in his Quidditch robes, Sirius is opening a bottle of Firewhiskey, clearly planning to drown his sorrows. But Marlene has other plans for him tonight.

"I want you to take me there. To Regulus's room," Marlene says without premise. She needs to be sure. She can't carry on like this; she needs to finally pick a side.

"Are you sure?" Sirius asks urgently. "If you don't want-"

"Tonight."

* * *

The walls are draped with green, just as Sirius described. The Slytherin crest blares out at her from all directions, but the thing that disgusts her is the collage of newspaper articles covering one of the walls. Barely in control of her actions, she reaches out and touches it, just to check it's real, that this isn't all a dream. It's real.

She sinks to her knees and cries. All those restrained tears are finally released, and she's never cried this much in her life before, but she can't help it. Every reason why she can't be with Regulus is displayed before her eyes, surrounding her. It makes her feel physically sick.

Sirius stands awkwardly behind her. Luckily he seems to have the decency not to gloat. "Shh, Marlene," he whispers, looking worried. "My parents might hear... hopefully they'll think the noise from us Apparating was just a house elf, but we need to be careful."

Marlene makes no indication that she's heard him; she keeps sobbing quietly. She curses herself for being so weak, for shedding so many tears over him. He doesn't deserve her tears. But she can't help crying - it hurts. She can't believe she'd been naive enough to believe that someone like Regulus could be different to the others, could really be neutral like her.

But it's a time of war. Nobody can be neutral anymore.

* * *

**A/N: This has been half-finished for weeks and weeks (months?)... I'm not sure how much I like it, but I've had the worst writer's block recently so I'm just glad I finished it! :)**

**It's for the Break Up Challenge and the Pairing Diversity Boot Camp (prompt: denial), both on HPFC.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**


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